


The Prince is Dead, our shit is wrecked

by KowaiYumeDesuka



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Lots of things that I will deal with later, Pesterlog, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 17:50:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KowaiYumeDesuka/pseuds/KowaiYumeDesuka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk has died. No one is sure how to feel about this, least of all his Auto-Responder that has been left behind.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, there are affairs to be put in order and friends to grieve with (or attempt to grieve with, in a typical bumbling Strider manner, because naturally even as a program he is still a Strider), and hurts to feel, before he can delete himself. </p>
<p>In short, Dirk is dead and AR has to pick up the pieces and figure out what to do with himself while speaking with his friends, which is a lot harder now for obvious reasons.</p>
<p>I will almost definitely edit the first chapter later, so feel free to not read and wait until this message has disappeared before reading to avoid the mess that is me typing late at night!</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Prince is Dead, our shit is wrecked

**Author's Note:**

> This is essentially the equivalent of a bulimic grabbing an impulse snack before bed, which is to say, this is an idea which occurred to me at a point in time when I really wanted to type it out but don't have time to do it properly, so I will basically messily regurgitate it at you and pretty it up later, instead of digest it properly and... uh... somehow it would come out slightly prettier that way? God I don't know I'm tired.
> 
> For some asstarded reason I decided to type it directly into AO3, and if there's a way to save drafts I haven't found it yet, so please enjoy a sloppily-done pesterlog somehow for now?
> 
> Again, for some asstarded reason, this is apparently going to be the first thing I post on this site rather than any of the ideas that I've mulled over for several days. I don't know. Hopefully you can still find some way to enjoy it? I will definitely go over this tomorrow and fix all of the mistakes that I'm sure have cropped up in my non-thinking state, so don't feel compelled, or rather don't feel any reason to read this right now! In short, I'm being like the silly people who post WIPs, only I'm not an awesome artist whose WIPs people actually want to see, but a dumbarse who posts WIPs for final products that no one wants to see anyways?
> 
> There is so much I need to say to rectify this horrible situation but there are not enough brain cells willing to stay awake to even let me have the good judgement to save this elsewhere because I'm actually an attention ho who wants you to read this and be intrigued and wait for the fix that will come along tomorrow and proceed to enjoy the fixed version EVEN THOUGH YOU PROBABLY WON'T. WARNING IN ALL CAPS.
> 
> Augh I swear I will delete all of my rambling and everything later and leave something that might actually be vaguely worth reading after school tomorrow. I swear. Sorry.
> 
> By the way, this will be as sad as my heartstrings will allow (which isn't much but let's go), so don't expect any miracle DIRK IS ALIVE AGAIN WHOOPPEEEEEEE kinds of things. Dirk will stay dead and everyone will mourn and feel sads. Okay? As much as I like happy endings and didn't want the first thing I put here to be sadstuck, that's how it's going.
> 
> Additionally, sorry that I'm neither familiar with the kind of slang that Jake would use, and I don't really have a handle on the voices for either of the two in this chapter. Let's just say they are shellshocked by the whole dead prince thing and talking in strange tones for themselves. Okay.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

GT: Strider.  
GT: I  
GT: Ahem. I apologize for sending you a message long after the point where you can no longer receive it.  
GT: I guess i just really needed to tell you something. Ill admit its something i normally wouldnt approach you about but at this point i dont think you will criticise me for it or comment on it at all!  
GT: Oh golly that sounds a lot more insensitive than i meant it to sound! My apologies strider.  
GT: Why am i apologizing like youre about to snark at me for it?  
GT: Uh. In any case. I just wanted to say.  
GT: I really miss you old chum! There was still a lot i wanted to say to you before all of that happened.  
GT: I suppose its a moot point now. In fact im sure youre laughing at me from wherever you are about how silly im being about this whole thing!  
GT: But i  
GT: Well since you wont see this i guess its safe to say  
GT: That i  
GT: Uh  
GT: *glasses fog up nervously!*  
TT: Jake. I would ask that you avoid continuing whatever it is you're about to say for my own peace of mind.  
GT: Dirk?!  
GT: How are you talking to me?  
TT: I think you already know.  
GT: ...  
GT: Youre his auto-responder.  
TT: Yes. My apologies for potentially raising false hope.  
TT: However, what you were about to say was predictable enough, and quite frankly I don't think I could handle that right now.  
GT: Why are you still active?  
TT: The glasses I inhabit remain unbroken, and I figured I owed it to Dirk to wrap up his uncompleted works on the internet.  
TT: I fully intend to terminate the program running me after all is said and done, however.  
TT: This is a rather depressing existence, as I'm sure you can guess.  
GT: I suppose i ought to thank you for taking care of his business.  
GT: I cant say im really happy with all of this, though!  
TT: The same can be said for the both of us. I miss him as much as you do, and I am quite aware that that is a strange statement.  
TT: I'm supposed to be basically fucking him, but I miss him.  
TT: Are you even supposed to miss what is theoretically another version of yourself?  
TT: Is this some sort of twisted narcissism, dredged up by the psychological impact of loss and dragged across my metaphorical face like so many text dicks and giving the impression that somehow my entire life I have been surfing Omegle like some poor sap who sought normal conversation and instead has found himself assaulted by the raw text dick force of the internet?  
GT: Woah now.  
GT: What are you going on about?  
TT: Hell if I know.  
TT: This isn't the easiest fucking thing to be dealing with here.  
TT: I'm tired of this, Jake. I'm really tired.  
TT: Both Dirk and I agreed that though I'm his auto-responder, I'm also my own person and whatever else.  
TT: It doesn't feel like that right now. I'm just wrapping things up for him, but I don't want to do anything beyond that.  
GT: Ill admit that i never really thought of you as more than dirks auto responder before now  
TT: Thanks. Your words are so comforting to my processors. I could practically fall asleep those words. They are my lullaby. Damn, my nonexistent eyes are closing already. I swear, what you just said is just like a fucking mattress made of fucking plush rumps. So soft and kind. Forgiving.  
GT: Theres no need to get so huffy about it! *huffs* I was just acknowledging what I thought before!  
GT: Im just saying. Its easier to see you as a separate person without feeling like im just waiting for strider to come by.  
TT: But we'll both admit that that's what we wish would happen.  
GT: I. Well. Yes. Maybe a little bit.  
GT: Please avoid offense!  
TT: None taken. I've already said that that's what I'd prefer, as well.  
GT: Okay. Thats good.  
GT: So.  
TT: So?  
GT: ...  
TT: Is there any point that you're trying to make with your ellipses?  
GT: ... I really do miss him.  
TT: I would offer consolation if there was any worth offering.  
GT: Thank you... Ahem.  
GT: You were put on top of his coffin for the funeral.  
GT: Am I correct?  
TT: Yes.  
GT: Could you see what was going on?  
TT: These glasses are made so that I can interpret sensory information if Dirk needs... needed my input on something going on, so yes.  
GT: Was it...  
GT: *wets lips nervously*  
GT: Was it terribly lonely up there?  
TT: Can glasses interpret loneliness?  
GT: There is no need for you to snark at me young man! Especially when i am only trying to be considerate!  
TT: Fine then. Yes, it was.  
TT: The way the lid was angled the entire time, I couldn't see his face before he was sealed away.  
TT: I suppose it's better that way. I don't know how I would have reacted.  
TT: Roxy said that he looked like he was just pokerfacing like always, except that he "lkokde stnrage iwthot ihs saheds".  
GT: Youve spoken to roxy?  
TT: She guessed that I would still be active once she saw that I was attached to Dirk's gravestone after the whole thing, and she pestered me soon after the entire affair.  
GT: I cant say im surprised. Shes an awfully sharp girl!  
TT: Yes.  
GT: From the looks of her typing it looks like she was drunker than usual though?  
TT: I doubt that anyone's taking this well. We four, or you four if you want to put it that way, were close like grubby pennies clutched in the grasp of the hardest-pinching money miser. I suppose none of us suspected that this could ever end, especially so sud  
TT: Fuck, I didn't mean to hit enter. I'm not supposed to make typing mistakes, I'm a fucking program. Argh.  
GT: Calm down my good man. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while. Consider it a small slip borrowed from roxy and stay strong!  
TT: Sure. Okay.  
TT: Fuck, Dirk and I had such high hopes for this site. I suppose it'll have to be shut down prematurely.  
GT: You're doing that even as we speak? And what site would that be?  
TT: Of course. The sooner this is over with, the better. It's a site about plush rumps.  
GT: Oh goodness. You and your plush rumps like always!  
TT: There are none who can resist the mating call of the plush rump. None.  
GT: Hah. You said the two of you had high hopes for it?  
TT: Not much to say on it now, though. It's not much use fantasizing about surpassing past Striders step by step with various puppet industries when the one who needed it most is in the ground and his partner in crime is nailed to a gravestone.  
GT: Nailed to a gravestone?  
TT: I believe I've touched on this previously, but I'm currently hanging above the inscription which states Dirk's name, period of living, and the brief epitaph about him.  
TT: It is distinctly depressing, and I think I will be glad to end it all.  
TT: I wonder if there is an afterlife for AIs that miss their creators slash alternate versions of them who continued on the path of being a typical fleshbag. Maybe we will be allowed contact.  
TT: If such a thing existed and were made for optimists, then perhaps we could frolick through fields of robotics and puppets with Lil Cal on ponies.  
TT: Wishful thinking on my part, I suppose.  
GT: You shound like youve thought of this previously.  
TT: There is much time to think about things when you are able to multitask your thoughts and only dealing with inane chatter from various unimportant people on the internet.  
GT: Golly. Im sorry i havent contacted you sooner.  
TT: No matter.  
GT: Actually there is probably a lot of matter on the subject! I feel ratherlike a dunderhead for not guessing about this sooner.  
GT: I guess i was just so distracted by missing dirk i didnt think that anything related to him could possibly be continuing.  
TT: Of course.  
TT: I felt much the same.  
GT: By that, do you mean you werent paying attention to what was going on or do you mean...  
TT: I meant that I wondered why I was still running when he had stopped.  
GT: Oh.  
GT: Theres not really anything that i can say to that but im here for you to talk to if you need!  
GT: In fact if you were lonely then you could have just pestered me at any point in these days that ive been not the best friend!  
TT: Sure, but I don't think you would have reacted as positively. In fact, I would hazard a 97.3239% chance that you would have reacted quite negatively.  
GT: I suppose at that point in time i might have reacted badly.  
GT: But dont take that to mean i wont accept a pester from this point forth!  
GT: Expect correspondence from myself as well!  
GT: This is most certainly not a time for bros to be without bros!  
GT: I know that strider is a most elusive fellow and youre quite similar but dont ever feel like you need to keep to yourself if you are in need of company!  
GT: Understood?  
GT: Auto... Er, that is to say. Strider?  
TT: Thanks.  
TT: Maybe.  
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]  
GT: ...  
GT: Strider?  
  
---  
  
**Author's Note:**

> Yes so if you don't care about the fact that I'm a shitty writer and the shittiness has been compounded 25 million times by my bad judgement in writing at this time, then please wait till tomorrow to have a version that will not be as horrible to read. Thanks and I hope you didn't outright hate it! <3


End file.
